Question: 

1. What is the correct procedure when a boy comes to see a girl for marriage? 

a) Can they have a conversation? 

b) Should a mahram be present in the room, or is it sufficient if the door is left open and a sister etc of the boy is present, as this is not regarded as khalwa 

c) Should it only be where they "see" how the other person looks, and the process is over? Also, is there any basis to the fact where a girl is supposed to keep her purda on, and only on request can she open her face? 

d) Once the boy sees the girl, what is preferred, should both of them make istikhara? The custom is that the boy first makes istikhara. 

2. Recommended kitabs on the topic, and about istikhara?

Answer: 

Our mentor and master, Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has instructed us:

" إِذَا خَطَبَ أَحَدُكُ مُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَإِنِ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلََ مَا يَدْعُوهُ إِلََ نِكَاحِهَا فَلْيَفْعَلْ " .

“When one of you intends to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage, if he is able to look at what will call him to marry her, he should do so.”i

A narration mentions that when Hazrat Mughirah bin Shu'bah Radhiallahu Anhu disclosed that he proposed a girl and he did not take a look, Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam instructed him to look at the girl who he intended to marry, for that it will more likely create love between the two.ii

In general, Shariah prohibits men to glance at non Mahrams; however, Shariah has permitted to glance at potential spouses, if only one intends to marry them. At the same time, other prohibitions of Shariah must not be neglected in the process such as the aspect of impermissiblity of Khalwah (being in seclusion with non Mahrams), talking frankly and freely with them, touching them etc. And, for this reason, it is better to glance at one’s potential spouse secretly and hiddenly, so that it does not lead to any Fitna and if the Nikah is not penned for them, the girl and her family would not feel ashamed or degraded, and would not experience any difficulties in future to get their daughter wedded.iii

1. It would be better if the girl is invited to boy’s house or one of his Mahram’s house and then he glances at her from other room hiddenly and secretly, if only one intends to marry them. It is also allowed to glance at the girl provided that there is no Khalwah (remaining in seclusion with non Mahrams) and other vice.iv

a. Shariah has only permitted to glance at the girl as cited above, not to converse without a valid reason. In conversations, the regular rulings will be applicable which is not to without valid reason.v

b. There should be no Khalwah between them and a Mahram should be present. And if there is a Mahram between them, there is no question of the door being left open or closed.vi

c. The objective is to have a look at the potential marriage partner and that is it, as soon it is satisfied, they should leave. The scholars have also mentioned if the purpose gets fulfilled by glancing once, then one should not glance twice and if seeing one glance does not suffice, one may take a look second time, since the permissibility of glancing in the matter at hand is due to necessity and if something is permitted due to necessity, it will limited to necessity.vii There is no basis of this action wherein the girl keeps the face covered and only reveals it after the request. It is quite possible that people have deduced this from a narration wherein the girl was behind the curtain and the Sahabi requested her that he would like to glance at her in order to determine if he wants to marry her.viii The bottom line in this matter is to glance at one another, so that they are satisfied with what they are getting in to and would not be disappointed after marriage.

d. The reality of Istikharah is to seek goodness and guidance from Allah Ta'aala in Mubaah acts (where one is not commanded nor prohibited and one can choose to act or refrain from acting). Therefore, both may perform Istikharah.

2. You may benefit from these books: Istikharah in the light of Shariah by Molana Ayyub Jeena and Bahishti Zewar by Molana Ashraf Ali Thanvi Sahib Rahimahullah.

AND ALLAH TA'AALA ALONE IN HIS INFINITE KNOWLEDGE KNOWS BEST

ANSWERED BY: Mohsin Khan 

CHECKED AND APPROVED BY: Mufti Muhammed Saeed Motara Saheb D.B. 

Islamic Date:٢٠ شوال ١٤٤١ 

English Date: 13 June 2020

i انظر إليها - - « ولو أراد أن يتزوج امرأة فلا بأس أن ينظر إليها، وإن خاف أن يشتهيها لقوله عليه الصلاة والسلام للمغيرة بن شعبة حين خطب امرأة رواه الترمذي والنسائي وغيرهما ولأن المقصود إقامة السنة لا قضاء الشهوة اه شامي ص » فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما ٣٧٠ ج ٦ ط:سعيد رواه ابو داود رقم الحديث ٢٠٨٢

ii رواه النسائي رقم الحديث ٣٢٣٥

iii قُل ل لْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيََْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذََٰلِكَ أَزْكَىَٰ لََمُْ إِنَّ اللَََّّ خَبِيرٌ بَِِا يَصْنَعُونَ النور- – ٣٠

iv قاموس الفقه: مادة: خطبة

vii اكتفى بالنظر إليها بِرة حرم الزائد لأنه أبيح لضرورة فيتقيد بها... شامي ص ٣٧٠ ج ٦ ط:سعيد

viii عَنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ، قَالَ أَتَيْتُ النَّبَِِّ  صلى الله عليه وسلم  فَذَكَرْتُ لَهُ امْرَأَةً أَخْطُبُهَا فَقَالَ " اذْهَبْ فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَجْدَرُ أَنْ يؤُْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا " . فَأَتَيْتُ امْرَأَةً مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ فَخَطَبْتُهَا إِلََ أَبَوَيْهَا وَأَخْبََْتُُُمَا بِقَوْلِ النَّ بِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم  . فَكَأَنََُّّمَا كَرِهَا ذَلِكَ . قَالَ فَسَمِعَتْ ذَلِكَ الْمَرْأَةُ وَهِيَ فِِ خِدْرِهَا فَقَالَتْ إِنْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللََِّّ  صلى الله عليه وسلم  أَمَرَكَ أَنْ تَنْظُرَ فَانْظُرْ . وَإِلاَّ فَإِ نّ أَنْشُدُكَ كَأَنَََّّا أَعْظَمَتْ ذَلِكَ . قَالَ فَنَظَرْتُ إِلَيْهَا فَتَزَوَّجْتُهَا . فَذَكَرَ مِنْ مُوَافَقَتِهَا .رواه ابن ماجه ١٩٣٩